yea. so this week was pretty lame…but it DEFINATELY had its perks.

tuesday, i contaminated the photo lab at cvs, and THEN my drawer was 37 dollars short, so uh. i’m on cash control and its pretty obvious that i’m the worst employee ever. i’ve just been REALLY absent minded i guess. wednesday, uh. i had varsity singers, and then i went shopping and got like, 45343 shirts for 20 dollars. aka im a bargain hunter. yes yes! it was real fun to be w/ dan alaina and kris. they’re honestly my BEST friends. and idk where i would be w/o them. certainly not in walmart looking at condoms. thursday, i saw DEATH CAB FOR FREAKIN CUTIE w/ andrew. it was really nice of him to come all the way to qcity for one day just to see them w/ me. especially when he had all these sores and stuff all over the back of his throat. regardless of the drunk people, the huge venue, the 30 dollar shirts, i loved them. and i honestly will always consider them one of the bands that TOTALLY affected my adolescent years more than many. even if ben gibbard forgot a lot of words. haha. i got home at like, 1am, so i was kind of tired/grumpy on friday, but its okay. i had an audition for district choir blah blah that i didnt really care that much about, so i probably won’t make it in. i’ll find a way to live. then last night, i played w/ alaina and kris for a while, but then krissy went to go see garrett. its so nice how he comes home just to be w/ her on the weekends and it makes her so happy. and i love seeing her happy more than anything. even if i get jealous and miss her. anyway, then me and alaina went to sneaka king to go see the bff dan pierson, and we ran into troy and pat-mac. I LOVE THOSE BOYS. fyi. we blew like an hour just playing around bc he had a cool manager there. then me and alaina went to her house, ate a whole pint of icecream and watched wondershowzen a lot. we were both kind of frustrated about boys, so it just made everything better. i slept over and we stayed up and i tried on a lot of her clothes and we cuddled. i love cuddling. i had to work at 9am, but only for two hours, which i loved. and now tonight, i wanted to go on a hayride, but it rained! im sad. so im hoping to do something real fun that includes lots of alcohol and girls in minimal/no clothing. haha. but have a great weekend. and think of me at least twice today. if not three times. :0)

im really stressed out.
i’m not ready for this.

okay. so i usually dont do a lot of posts where i like, pour my little heart out, but idk. im real in the mood.

i’d just like to take the time to really tell everyone how grateful i am for everything and everyone that i have in my life. sometimes, i’m just completely blown away by how many people in my life care about me SO MUCH. to the point where i know that if i ever needed ANYTHING AT ALL, they would be right by my side no matter what. this year has been a little rocky so far, and everytime i have needed someone, there they were. i just, never really thought i would find friends who would love me as much as they do. these people go out of their way to make sure that i’m happy. idk how i ever got so lucky. i have my three h.s. best friends, alaina, merissia, and kris, who i honestly DO NOT know what i would do w/o. they are really my backbone. i kno they support me in every single thing that i do, and every decision that i make. and are okay w/me crying about nothing, and shakin my butt in the face and are perfectly content w/ just watching dirty dancing all night and eating pepperoni rolls w/ me. and then i have my older crew, which consist mainly of jenna, ange, and tom. and idk KNOW where i would be w/o them. even tonight, i honestly, NEVER have as much fun as i do just baking brownies and cookies w/ them, and dancing to “WHO LET THE DOGS OUT” for two hours. they know exactly what to do to make me happy when i’m even BORDERLINE sad. they care about me SO MUCH, and are always giving me advice, even if they know i never listen to it, and they love me no matter what. then i have my boys that i can sing, dance and go crazy w/ against me! and panic! at the disco, and the boys who will tell me i look soso pretty even when i just got a cavity filled and i look like an IDIOT. and will help me pick out flats at target and pick out belts in old navy.

sometimes, i just get so jaded by the things that seem like they are a big deal. and i know, deep down, they’re not.
everything that seems even a little wrong, i just dont want to even bother w/ it anymore. bc the people i have, they just feel SO right.
even if we are sitting in silence, i know that the care about me more than i could have ever even hoped that anyone would.
thanks for being so perfect. i can’t wait to spend another 3408309834 million years w/ you guys. ❤

“and I cannot help but hold on to a handful of times
when what was spoken was a revolution in itself,
and what we were doing was the only thing that mattered.
and how good it felt to kill the memory
of nights spent holding your shirt for the smell;
I heard you used to cry when you made love to him,
but this band will play on
because all we can do is what we’ve always done
and on and on and on…”

i can’t really stay within the lines when i drive. i have really bad jealous issues. i can never do what my gut instinct tells me to do. i never can wake up w/o hitting the snooze button at least three times. i’m really immature, and i really dont understand why i need to go to school and have a job. i leave all the lights on in my house, and dont really care about vacumming or dusting. i mix all the colors together when i do laundry. i spend too much money on food, and i just eat way too much of it. i always kind of have a problem saying exactly what i feel. im really lucky and extremely ungrateful for everything i have. i cry really easy. im not much of a tough guy. i dont really have very much work ethic. i’m lazy, and extremely uncordinated. sometimes, i’m pretty unsure of who exactly i am. my clothes don’t really ever fit the way i want them to, and i pretty much look like im 10 years old bc of my braces. i hold grudges forever. i will never let them go. im a crappy dancer, and i hate going to voice lessons bc she makes me feel like i dont have enough talent to really pursue anything at all w/ my voice. my friends make me feel left out a lot, and people say they like me a lot more than they know they do. i hate her for what you did to me, and i will never stop.

my moods fluctuate a lot.

i got woken up this morning by yelling about how i didnt turn the light out in the dining room and i am stupid and should pay the power bills bc im irresponsible. then i went to ed. intern, and my eyes really started going crazy and tearing bc im just having huge problems w/ them. i have a huge project due in english tomorrow and i dont even understand my topic. and that makes me so mad bc i can’t do bad being in such an easy class. then i got hounded about my grad proj. and all it is doing is stressing me out and making me realize how much i honestly just want to graduate somethings. third period, more hounding. and alaina was being a weirdo in lunch and everyone is just different lately. then i had a choir sectional and i didnt want to be there, i just wanted to lay down. my stomach is always hurting and im pretty sure i have a stomach virus that likes me too much to leave. i sang for 4 hours and 45 minutes today. my throat hurts, and my body hurts, and i just do NOT want to go to school anymore. i have to work on this stupid proj. and try to bs it bc i dont understand what mrs. murray EVER wants. shes so confusing. i know im not gona get much sleep. and im just real confused about a lot and i feel like i need to make a lot of decisions even though i probably really dont.

today was just that kind of day.

i know this is probably gonna sound really gay. so deal.

last night, when i saw jenny lewis, i just really starting thinking a lot. basically a lot about how hot she is and how i want to bone her, but i thought about how freakin AMAZING she is. and that, she, is just like me. this person that i like, idolize in EVERY way, was probably not always that great at guitar, not always that great of a singer, and whatev. i mean, i’ve always known that, but at the same time, people who have THAT much talent, they just don’t really always feel on the same page as me and my dog and my next door neighbor. anyway. so i, jennifer, decided that forget this whole entire “go to college…get a 40 hour a week job…pop out kids…etc” bland life that i could live. im picking up guitar, and i’m going to start really focusing on maybe doing something w/ what talent that i know i do have. its not much. but its something. dont get me wrong, yea im STILL planning on going to college, and still prob. will live that life thats pretty average, but i want to give myself a chance. and im not talking lead in the musical kind of chance. if i love something this much, i dont know what good supressing it is doing. and after all, i am planning on moving to california, where dreams come true! so. yea. as gay as it is, i want to be spectacular. and live a life that some could only dream of. (poser. haha)

and i’m taking my first step.

and we also have the same sunglasses.
so im thinking that its fate. :0)

so uh. this week/weekend was the SHIOT.

alainas buying a pirahna. i bought lots of cds that the guys at qmart laughed at me about. i looked ghetto as OMFG at the choir party, and me and courtney won most unique costume. AND i pulled my pants down to show everyone my “ms new booty” during the lack of talent show. i am GAY. this week was also spectacular bc we watched the STUPIDEST movie in english class about beowulf. and i didn’t even get to see the hottie. crap. idk how we’re going to get married now. i’m t-o’d. TERRELL OWENS. me and alaina are shoppaholics. officially. i am seeing jenny lewis. SO FREAKIN SOON. i saw a boy thats really cute that i haven’t seen for a while. i got pulled over for the first time. HAHALOLROFLMAO. i have 100 dollars in my bank account. which sucks. i watched a movie about a black cloud/water cycle/indians. aka crunk people. i love mr. shobert. and how he wants to marry me bc i’m a TENNIS SUPERSTAR. this weekend is the c4l and i’m going because i support all the freshmen who want to beat the crap out of me in “mosh pits” i’m a lot more independant than i think i am most of the time. which makes me proud of myself. me and jsny are going on lots of dates soon. and i miss everyone a lot. so see me this weekend. and hug me. and kiss me. and do me.

good girls gotta get down w/ the GANGSTAS.

“but he talks like a gentleman like you imagined when you were young”

hey lush. have fun. it’s the weekend.
(forget me. its that simple.)

i carried a watermelon. i hate the traffic in qcity. i got three new pairs
of jeans. i’m really happy w/ myself. for once. thanks for liking mah hurrrr.
i lost my pretzel. we don’t have school tomorrow for RAH SHAH SHAH NAH.
“it’s the most balla shit you can do” i need to put in college applications.

“senioritis is an imaginary syndrome attributed to students nearing the end of high school and college in the United States and Canada. Its symptoms can include laziness, procrastination, apathy toward schoolwork, and truancy.”

i’m riding the crimson wave. and usually i would be ticked.
but that picture makes me think of the things i love most.
1. linkin park.
2. any song that talks about crawling in skin and wounds
3. smiling cats.

i have six hours finished of my grad proj. (due november 7th)
mean girls ruin my life (all of the time)
we’re doing beauty and the beast for the musical (me = belle = jk)
theres a flesh eating monster in my uterus (you kill me well, you like it too…)

but, on the bright side!
school is freakin EASY AS CRAP. i’m seeing death cab kind of soon?
i bought a boat load of cute freakin flats this week. i’m getting used to my hair.
i made a ghetto as $^I# mix w/ busta. i love my friends more than life.
i write in my xanga a lot bc i like the comments i get back.
bc i’m starved for attention due to the lack of attention i get from the opposite sex.

haha. cya.

dear everyone,

i like right now. this week went by really fast, which is a good sign, considering i’m really looking forward to graduating. i’m feeling the pressure of college and everything, but i am trying to get through college debt free, so that i can graduate and be able to fall in love/get married/buy a house w/o 30,000 dollars in debt. i’m still putting in applications, but w/o a REALLY GOOD scholarship, i have a feeling i’ll be missing out on the college experience. not like there is anything i would really experience anyway. (prude) i will have a good enough time in san marcos to make up for it. i threw ms. alaina a surprise party and it went TOO well. thanks to everyone who came. and to mrs curdts for getting a keg and 5 dozen balloons. duh. i’m debating whether or not i want to try to do something w/ vocal performance when i’m older. i guess its a stupid idea, but you only live once, right? i want to do something great. today was the last full day of summer. i miss it already. i’m hoping that i grow up a lot this year. i have so much growing up to do, and i really want to get it done asap. we’ll see. i’m done w/ meanies. i dont work until saturday. its real cold out but that means i can use my big monster blanket tonight, which i LOVE. i’m trying to become more artistic, so i think i’m going to try to pick up something artsy. i feel like maybe it would be good for me. not like im buying like, canvases or whatever. but i did buy finger paint. thats geting somewhere! the cutest baby name is “gianna.” i’m addicted to popcicles. lucky for andrew and all of his MU friends bc i call them and tell them the jokes on the popcicle sticks. call me. see me. love me. thanks to everyone for wanting to see me a lot. keeping me busy is best. i love you and hope that your life is perfect.

yours always,
jennifer timberlake