it’s been a whileeeee.

things are good. it’s december, so all the fall holidays have past. they will fun. always are. my last post is that i broke up with dan, and uhhhh, as usual, didn’t last. he ticks me off SO much but i think i just get cold feet about this relationship. STILL. because i’m a huge psycho and i don’t know what my problem even is. i’m lucky i can tell him to leave and he will drive around for 5 minutes and then just come back. i’m glad i am with a guy who knows me and my flaws and how to diffuse them. he gets me so mad, but there’s no one else i want. dorky glasses, horrible language, unlucky, he’s really the only guy for me.

i was hoping to move out of my apartment because umm, IT’S COMPLETELY EXPENSIVE but it fell through. i got so screwed over by my apartment complex and paying 2 grand to move out just did NOT seem worth it. so. i’m here for another year. i’m irritated because i really wanted to start saving money, but it wasn’t meant to be. i’ll be okay, i always am. winter is so stressful with the extra heating bills. i’m always scraping pennies together. i’m a college student though, so what could i expect?

it’s finals week. i really have hardly studied for anything because i SUCK but i’m trying. i’m so bad at school this semester because with 19 credits, i just had to work SO HARD and i just want christmas. i have a trillion observation hours to do this break, but it’s not like that’s something i really mind. i’m just desperate for a break. i’m proud of how hard i worked this semester. 7 classes isn’t easy and i really had to stay focused and drag myself to class everyyyyyyyyday to do well. and i did. i mean, that’s a lot more discipline than i thought i even had in me! but i just want christmas. and i also have bought NOTHING haha, so i need to shop shop shop next week but i also need to make money this weekend and sell my textbooks. i’m such a procrastinator! and everything online kind of stinks this year. which is way disappointing!

but, i’m excited for christmas. i have my dinky little christmas tree in my apartment, and my little gingerbread house that looks like it’s been through a tornado, but that’s not what makes it christmas. christmas is being home. and being with my family. and not being in my apartment watching teen mom 40 minutes away. i love the indepedence of my own apartment, and that everything’s mine and my parents aren’t on my case always, but i can’t help but miss them DESPERATELY when they’re not around. i can’t believe i’m 21. i sound like i’m 11.

but for the record, i have the WORST taste in friends. i feel like i try so hard to make myself emotionally available for people and then they’re never there. i’m always just taking care of everyone else. when alaina and devan were falling apart, who came over right away? who was there for her? who drove to quakertown all the time to see her? but now that i text her to just say hey and catch up, she ignores my texts for four days. like, i’m sorry that i’m not going bar hopping with you, because i’m too busy trying to make something of myself, and can’t be staying up all night because i have class the next day. i might not be the fun drunk party friend, but the last time i checked, those friends ARE NEVER there when it matters. they love to go do shots with you, but they show up late to quentin’s birthday party and are always busy when you need them. i just don’t get it. when do people grow up? seriously. so i don’t know why i said friends, because i only have one friend i’m referring to. seriously, what a WASTE of my time.

rant over! :0)

but anyway. i hope your christmas is beautiful and your family is healthy and your finals go awesome! (if you have any?)

happy holidays!