and I am a writer, writer of fictions,
I am the heart that you call home;
and I’ve written pages upon pages
trying to rid you from my bones.
I am a writer, I am all that you have hoped on,
and  I’ve written pages upon pages
trying to rid you from my bones
and if you don’t love me, let me go.

idk why i even write in this thing anymore.

things arent good right now. at all. and usually. i’m real positive.
i try to be happy all the time, and always smile in front of everyone. because i know i hate when people just bring me down. so i dont want to do that to anyone. but, really. they arent good right now. i’m really worried about my health. its really failing. everything seems to be wrong right now and i’m just worried about what going to happen to me in the futurebc of the stupid decisions i made in the past few years. and i try not to think about it a lot but i truly am really scared. and for some reason, my heart is seriously like, broken lately. and i dont even know why. i just have trust issues a lot. obviously. and i just feel really lonely all the time. even though i’m w/ people all the time. idk. i can be having so much fun, but its only fleeting it feels like, bc as soon as i start driving home, i just get hit w/ this intense feeling of loneliness. like something is missing. and i wish that i didnt think that i’m too pathetic to be okay w/o a boyfriend. bc that embarasses me so much. but thats really what its looking like. my friends are perfect. but every single one of my best friends is also in a relationship. and i can’t help but just be wondering whats w/ me. bc i know i’m not that bad. i feel like i deserve something too? but idk. i know things could be so much worse. and i understand that i’m being dramatic. and i dont know. it just doesn’t matter anymore. bc i know something is wrong. i’m not usually like this. i dont sit around. and mope. and cry. i’m always the one who tells everyone else to stop doing that bc life is so short and wonderful and everything.

i just regret so much right now, that it is honestly unbearable.