post was gay. f it.

more importantly:
-i pretty much love jonah hill
-i still think spinach is my favorite food
-spring sprung. sweet!
-easter keester is sunday. and i work?
-i have a speech due tues. should probably start that
-i want my hair to grow faster
-i go tanning a lot. oops
-i watched accepted instead of eating lunch
-i really really like cartel a lot
-i’m really lucky courtney puts up with me
-i’m completely in love with fox cubs

now that’s what i call a post.

hey baby.

okay. so i feel like i need to get a lot out. so i think i’m going to.

to begin, i’m really starting to lose feelings for andrew! which is good. it helps that i sleep with my phone downstairs so i don’t have to hear him confessing his love for me at 3am, with the help of johnny walker. it’s starting to get old really fast. the words are really losing their meaning. i think the more i hear it, the more i’m kind of thinking love is actually a crock. i can’t really stand to talk to him anymore, it is just beginning to irritate me. i don’t exactly like that very much, because i did want to be friends, but i guess it’s part of the cycle. it’ll all work out!

as far as like adam, he’s getting kind of weird, and i just really don’t want to start over, so i’m just trying to lay low for a little while. like, i know i’m not really good at this whole single thing, but i don’t want to date someone that i’m not even feeling very much. it just kind of seems like a waste. he’d probably make a really good friend, which is completely enough for me. because i kind of mess up the friend thing a lot which kind of confuses me. but i just feel like once you’re really good friends with someone, it’s just so natural for it to progress from there, right? moo moo.

but anyway, spring should be starting this week! i’m excited. i love warmy weather. and i went to the mall and spend tons of money i don’t have because i’m irresponsible. i’m seeing rilo kiley in june so i’m pumped about it. school is going okay. i’m just not very academically driven. i should probably fix that. maybe. i worked at rosemaries yesterday. forgot how much i LOVED IT. someone with the same car as dan was parked right in front of the window and i kept thinking it was him. it’s weird not having him around now. and he’s coming home…yep. we’ll see! but everything’s going pretty good. i am feeling kind of crummy tonight, but stomach is just kind of churny and i know that’s not a word but that’s how i can best explain it. chopper is REALLY weirding me out a lot. like, even though i told him i don’t want to commit, he’s acting really committed, and i don’t know why, but it just makes me feel guilty like i’m in the wrong for kind of feeling things for other boys. but i told him that’s what i wanted! so i don’t know. it’s so weird.

i want to beat guitar hero so bad on hard but i can’t and it makes me frustrated! i bought new mascara and i’m excited to use it tomorrow morning. i think i’m going to meditate before bed tonight because i feel like it will really help all the clutter in my mind right now. i can’t wait until the end of the week just so school is over, even if that means work galore! i started looking at schools again, so i have yet to figure where i want to commit to. because i love commitment. :0)

and that is my life. the end!

HI. i eat carbs now bc i’ve been eating salad for 2 months and lost 6 pounds. over it.
i’m sick of talking to andrew. he got me mad. i wrote him a letter. it is over!
i still see chopper even though i broke up with him and stuff because i’m pathetic?
i have a crush on adam kirsch or however you spell his name i think. whatever.
i have work all weekend and i’m kind of mad but i guess that i’ll get over it.
it was like 60 degrees out today and it makes me realize how much i cant WAIT for spring.
i’m seeing merissia soon bc i miss her and shes always going to be one of my bests.
i really like the song “rescued” by jack’s mannequin. it’s a pretty guy.
oh. i have to go to eits all by myself. reason 23423 why i hate andrew freaking orloski.
spring break is all next week for school and i’m pumped. even though it’s going to be boring.
i can’t wait to be really tan and to go to the beach and to not write research papers for 3 months.

i think that’s enough of an update.

hiiiii. it’s saturday, and working this weekend like sucks. i’m reallllllllllly not into it. but anyway, valentines day was really cute. good night w/ chopper. we went to the cutest little restaurant and it was really nice, i enjoyed it. :0) and he got me earrings to match the ring he bought me before, so it was nice. i like him. anyway. i ate carbs that night and neverrrrrrrr againnnnnn. but anyway. i haven’t talked to andrew. you know, the way it SHOULD be. and i saw marc and jen last night, and OH MY THAT WAS AWKWARD. i was like “you guys are still together? aw that’s great!” at the same time telling myself “yep, me and andrew didn’t get that far…” HA. whatever. i saw dan last night because he’s home for a few days. it’s nice i guess. idk, i’m backing off. i’m not trying to even replay what happened before. i have a really big crush on pat at work. and hes like “yeah, i really like my girlfriend but she’s not my type…” so it’s weird. i pretty much want to maul his freaking face off. but that’s not the point. because i won’t! telling him i cheated on chopper probably wasn’t the best idea but whatever. life’s tough. i’m pretty sure my weight loss is going pretty well. i want to know if devin and leah are going to go out so bad. ugh. haha. but anyway. i’ll write laterrrrr.

sup!

this week is going well i guess. i made dollar dollar bill y’all at red robin last week which was pretty cool! the weeks go by really fast which is kind of rough, but it’s really nice to keep busy. my scale says i lost 6 pounds. :0) i’m really happy! i can’t really notice, but like, i’m so excited that i’m making progress! makes me want to work even harder! things are good w/ chopper. we went to the franklin institute monday which was SWEET. i kind of wish i could live there. i skipped class yesterday bc it was a butthole outside, and tonight i have stress management. and i still have to do that paper that was due last week. oops! jill and devil heaven broke up. i don’t know how i feel about it. i don’t know. shut up. i think about andrew a lot, but whatever, i’m not giving in. that’s not my style anymore. tomorrow is valetines day. which is yeah, pretty gay, valentine or not. it’s still kind of a desperate holiday. i wonder what chopper will get me though. :0) i watch a lot of movies anymore, and i can’t believe it’s almost march! kind of. i’m excited for warm weather. and i’m excited to be 130 pounds!!!! yes yes yes!!!! it stinks that i have to work 100 shifts in like, 2 days, but whatever. i like that i have work ethic now and i’m keeping busy. i’m proud of myself. it’s hard, but i’m doing it! today is a good day, even if it is GROSS out! oh yeah, and i love rogue wave.

update later.

dear diary,

do you know how hard it is to like, hide how bad i want to talk to andrew? i have enough self control to not give in this time, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t completely suck. and i’m still not quite sure if i’m doing the right thing so its kind of a tough situation. i do like chopper. but what the EFF is it so hard to get over andrew?! ayi yi yi. watching the oc reminds me of him. i hate having my period. i don’t want to have sex w/ chopper anymore. i’m not sexually attracted to him and it’s weird. and i know thats mean but i guess thats just because i’m a bitch. ugh! i want to marry adam brody. i hope i’m losing weight. i’m not doing homework tonight bc i’m a bamf. i wish my heart could just agree w/ my mind for once. bc this is getting ridiculous.

of course i talked to andrew. nice job jenn! hate ya.

anyway.  chopper always makes me pay for dinner and it pisses me off.

i can’t stop listening to sage francis.

idk if i’m losing weight. i really really really hope that i am.

i got my period! wow. i’m not pregnant? i fucking hate my period.

i have cramps. i’m good at doing my homework. i’m in the mood for steak.

cya!

good thing that all i can think about is andrew right now.
and uh, i’m listening to the only moment we were alone.
aka not helping, but like, it’s weird.
do you know HOW much i would love to just forget?
you know, i don’t want to put myself through this anymore.
it’s just kind of rough sometimes.
and i always wonder if it’s because we’re meant to be together or something.
like, this is my hearts way of saying that it’s not over.
but i know i can’t be with him. he treated me so terrible.
i can’t let myself go back to the way things were. i can’t be second best again.
and i have someone who makes me as important as i know i should be.
and i know that andrew doesn’t even deserve this attention.
but i think it’s something that i’ll just gradually get over.
…right?

i have to wear a belt w/ my size 8 pants…so that might be good? i’m excited to lose more weight. SO EXCITED!!!!! :0)
i love not talking to andrew. it’s been like a month. he was wrong. i was right. it’s so nice to be able to say that!
i like when i’m sleeping and chopper lets me. i like when i’m laying, he tucks me in and gives me all the blankets. i like that he looks at me when i’m not looking. just to look at me.
i really like feeling really important to someone, it’s been a while. i dont want to be “well if i have you, whatever. if i don’t, i don’t care.” i’m glad that’s over.
i seriously can’t stop listening to sage francis. i really think he is one of the most spectacular rappers in the whole entire worldy.
my semester is going pretty okay. which is cool w/ me. my classes are seem pretty easypeasy. work on the weekends is annoying though. whatever.

i’m in a good mood. :0)

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