a few points to keep you updated:

  1. my favorite songs right now are “decode” by paramore and “my favorite mistake” by sheryl crow
  2. i leave for florida tomorrow with courtney and my family! sweet! :0)
  3. school stuff is finished, besides putting in applications, which i’m actually gonna do tonight.
  4. i can’t wait to wear some of the new clothes i bought just for florida!
  5. i’m really excited to transfer even if i’m real nervous because i’m not THE smartest.
  6. my car is broken! GO FIGURE.
  7. s’mores is on sale at target to 140. buy her for me.
  8. guess what? i think i’m OFFICIALLY over andrew. PHEW!
  9. guess what? i’m definitely not officially over chopper. SHOOT!
  10. guess what? i’m still really happy with my boyfriend. YES!
  11. i saw marley and me last night and i didn’t like it.
  12. i still want to see the spirit and i feel like i’m seriously never going to.
  13. i don’t work for two weeks. isn’t that great?
  14. i want juicy couture earmuffs before spring comes.
  15. this is the ending of my post. bye!

merry christmas! (late!)

i had a great christmas. i was with my court, dan, court’s family, and my family all on christmas eve which was great. i spent christmas with dan’s family, finally meeting all of them. and everyone was really happy with their gifts! including me. i don’t mean to brag, but i really got everything on my list and MORE. i think it would be cute if i did a photo documentary of all of it. so i’m going to :0)


juicy couture best friends necklace!


ugg boots! except mine have like paisley pattern on them.
and are completely perfecttttttttttttto.


that black and white dress from victoria’s secret


this coach bag. AND YEAH it’s SERIOUSLY REAL.


a new 16gb ipod nano!

and lots of clothes and a new ring from my parents and lots of nice things from court.
so all in all, christmas ruled. and to conclude, i’m going to florida in exactly two weeks.
i have cramps, i think i sleep too much, i have work tonight,  but i’m still happy!

i’m not sure exactly how all of this is gonna come out.

i kind of think i have seasonal anxiety! weird. i just feel like i’m at such a crossroads right now. like usually, i’m really laidback about things. i try not to get too overwhelmed with school, or really take too much to heart because i know life just happens. which i kind of still feel like. but all of a sudden. my decisions have really showed how truly important they are. i mean, i’m not living a perfect life, obviously. but like, just seeing my former classmates strung out at the diner, and hearing everyone tell me how much they could care less about their grades, or even going to school for that matter, really makes me realize that i might be kind of uptight about all of this, but i know it’s for a reason. i really buckled down this semester, did the extra papers, put in the time to get really good grades, and i’m really proud of it! i did good, and it’s because i worked really hard. it’s not because i had easy classes, because heaven knows that was HARDLY the case, but rather, it was because i really deserved it. which just makes me proud. even if that’s kind of lame.

granted, i know i do raise my blood pressure a little TOO high sometimes. with no college being good enough, i stress myself out to the point of tears because i know that the gpa i have will never be high enough for something. yeah, it’s okay for kutztown, but what about west chester? well, it’s good enough for west chester, but what about temple? well what about the college of new jersey? well, what about berkeley? i know i do need to really set my sights on something that’s achievable, but it’s just so hard, because i really know that i really have the potential to do so much. and i seriously want to do it. all.

and i do like dan, but i still think about chopper. every once in a while, usually in passing, i think about andrew. it’s not like i have regret. i just have problems keeping the book closed. it’s not like i don’t want to. it’s not like i don’t KNOW that i need to, it’s just hard for me. i’m working on it. but i’m pretty sure that i might always have to work on it. i know andrews obviously NOT the one for me. and i also know that on paper, chopper is perfect, but the chemistry just isn’t there. it’s just always hard to completely snuff out the flame. i just always feel like it’s there.

christmas is this week. i have SO many things to do before thursday. it’s going to be stressful but i know that it will be worth it. that’s for sure. i’m just kind of sad lately, i’m not sure why. i think it might be the lack of sun. or something. so i’m going to go tanning soon because i feel like it may help. but anyway. i just needed to kind of vent. and now i feel much better. :0)

i spent over 300 dollars yesterday, but christmas is officially going to RULE!
i went to hershey a few days ago, and now i’m so so ready for christmas.
i wish professors were a little bit more considerate of getting final grades up.
i don’t know if all my christmas gifts are gona get here by christmas. ugh.
i just ordered the sickest christmas dress so i’m ready for the holiday.
i really have to go eat lunch or my stomach is going to fall out and shrivel.

merry christmas!

as of late, i’m kind of always on the verge of having a mental breakdown.
i don’t want andrew, but i don’t want to not have him at all? it’s weird.
i’m so scared about finals. ALL I WANT TO DO IS GET INTO WEST CHESTER.
i feel like on paper, i would be such a smart, reasonable, responsible girl.
but i am REALLY lazy, uncoordinated, immature, and probably going NOWHERE.
and my period is pretty much over, but i still really want to always be sleeping, and never be around anyone.
i think i have something called final induced anxiety that makes me want to FREAKKKKKKKOUT.

my favorite song is “driveway” by miley cyrus.
and i can’t wait for christmas and disney world.
and to get away from everything and start over again.

even though everyone tends to bash xanga, i am really attatched to this site. i don’t know if i can even place why, but it’s so astonishing to be able to hold memories so clearly from so many different points in my life. so even though it’s old news to so many people, i cannot think of putting this site to rest.

and for that reason, let me begin another post.

so, christmas season is officially here! thanksgiving came i went, i spent time with family which made me happy, and i’m starting to get most of my christmas shopping done before the day before christmas, which is real responsible of me, despite my track record of being SO WAY underprepared for gift giving. i’m alright on money, definitely feeling the pressure a little bit more than usual, but it’s only because i want the people i love to have a good christmas. that, and car insurance, and having to start paying for florida things before we leave the second week of january. SO EXCITED.

anyway, things with dan are really good. obviously. i’m getting really comfortable with commitment which is making me SO relieved. every so often i have relapses, and kind of question if i’m making the right choice by “tying myself down” but at the end of the day, dan makes me happy so i can be sure that i’m in this for the right reasons, and will continue it until it feels otherwise. i really wish i could really cut andrew OUT, but it’s so hard. i don’t want him, but…it’s so hard to just let go and i wish that weren’t the case. i miss chopper a lot lately too, just because this time last year, it was him i spent thanksgiving with. him i spent christmas with. so it kind of makes me nostalgic back to our relationship. …but this might be a little of the fact that i’m getting my period tomorrow talking, too. so, don’t let me sap you out TOO much.

and i really feel like a downer for even kind of writing this, but as i get older, i think i realize how important my grandma is to me and how much it’s going to hurt when i lose her. she’s getting really old, so i’m kind of coming to the unsettling realization that she’s not going to be here forever, especially turning 89 last week. she’s just such a beautiful person, let alone a spectacular grandmother, and it just hurts me so much that one day, she’s not going to be here and i’m just going to have to deal. the sun will rise, the sun will set. and she will be gone. i’m just trying my best to let her know how important she is to me, and that i would really do anything for her. i never want to have any regrets when anything is said and done. i want to make her life as wonderful as she deserves. and i just love her so much, and it’s going to be such a loss when the world doesn’t have joan conroy anymore.

i really like wearing christmas sweaters and moccasins and i really don’t like that finals are in two weeks. i’m starting to prepare for putting in college applications which STRESSES me out but i’m really excited at the thought of continuing my education and getting one step closer to graduating! ay! life goes by so quickly, it’s hard to even keep track of. but life is really great right now, i have my ups and my downs, but i’m really thankful for all of them.

i hope you’re doing great.

so. a few major points:

  • i would really really love a holiday right about now. i know thanksgiving and christmas aren’t THAT far away, but the faster i want them to come, then i remind myself that i really need to get close to a 4.0 this semester. which stresses me out. aka the cycle NEVER ENDS.
  • “hot n cold” by katy perry is my favorite song right now. without a DOUBT.
  • i’m REALLY BAD WITH COMMITMENT. we learned about it in psychology, i think. someone who really starts to develop deep emotional feelings for someone and then suddenly backs away is called an avoidant lover. so. guess what i am?
  • today is my brother’s birthday. happy 25th brudda!
  • last week i was in a fight with my best friend and it sucked. so i’m GLAD IT’S OVER.
  • i spend a lot of money on absolutely NOTHING lately. just incase you were wondering.
  • it got real cold all of a sudden. like two weeks ago, it was eighty. now it doesn’t go over like, 60? WHAT! i want santa to come now!

that’s enough of an update. just letting you know i still love death cab for cutie. really.

things are good! i’m workin really hard in school, except this whole entire goal to get a 4.0 this semester is kind of turning into a 3.3. i mean, i want to do good, but i’m not going to have my head in the clouds. it got real cold real fast, which is CRAZY, but i guess i really don’t mind. i can’t wait to look at new winter jackets. my boyfriend just got an apartment so most of my life consists of watching skate videos or audrey hepburn movies, baking cookies, and getting in fake fights so the whole complex hears. i tried my best to decorate it a lot for him because he deserves it. things are kind of nicely falling into place lately, which i really like. i feel like i never really have enough money lately, but hi, i kind of think thats how EVERYONE feels at this point. the economy is going downnnnnnnnnnn. but, all and all, i am real happy, healthy, and excited for the rest of the year to come. just think, in like 3 weeks, halloween. month and some, thanksgiving. then 2 and half months, christmas! i’m ready for it all.

oh, and incase you were wondering, i saw jenny lewis last week. and her new cd is beautiful! so check it out.

hey! things are good i guess. i keep wanting fall so bad and it’s still so hot! which is kind of lame but oh well. i’m not really making very much money serving lately because everyone is way broke, but oh well. i definitely have enough. all i do anymore is hang out with courtney and dan and listen to lil wayne and do homework. i’m real happy though. i’m looking real forward to the change in weather and doing lots of fun things this winter. i’m in the process of a lot of change in my life i think, all on my terms, mind you, which is exciting! it’s my last semester at bucks before transferring, and thinking about the future is exciting! politics are kind of lame anymore, so i don’t stay too involved. i really like my friends because they know i hate driving and always drive. i started wearing more make up and i think i like it! i become really infatuated with actresses and i don’t even know why! the taco bell in quakertown opened. i’m trying not to go that much bc i never want to get sick of the best place in the world! i go shopping a lot lately but oh well! it’s the fall soon, i’ve gotta be prepared. courts birthday is in like, 10 days and i’m excited to give her presents.

the end of my post will consist with the new love of my life.
seriously, looking at her, you would think that’s enough of a reason for me to fall in love.
BUTTTTTTT little do i know, shes in a project with m.ward and sings on jenny lewis’s new cd.
ZOOEY DESCHANEL PLEASE MARRY ME!

xoxoxo

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