i’ve been absent from school since tues. because i’m pretty sure that i’m dying. i’m pretty sure i have a fatal stomach virus. thats trying to kill me. but its okay. :0)

so, this week has been a crappo, but i’ve read a book a day (bc im a genius) and i just finished 1984 last night, and i had a crazy dream about it. i really miss school but i’m getting lots of phonecalls from ppl which makes me feel like i’m actually missed. which is a nice feeling. i hope mrs. murray isn’t wearing her spacesuit outfit w/o me there, bc idk who jon would be laughing about it w/. i got a solo in the winter concert, which i’m kind of pumped about, even if its a baby one, bc i dont try out for the big moms. so come see me! i’m recruiting most of my friends already anyway. i’m supposed to go to work tonight but i called out sick, so i’m gonna def. have the wrath of glenn come out on saturday morning. ew sick! i wont get fired though. im the token pretty one. and all the college kids are coming home this week, so im PUMPED bc i miss a lot of my seniors from last yr, and i get to see them. and then of course my oldie ones. i went to rices last week and bought a lot, and made everyone freeze to death so i could get my wallet. and got lost in new jersey. and got lost w/ jnet when we were just going to coopersburg. shes the love of my life. along w/ jenna and ange. i gave blood last week, and i have told everyone basically bc im proud. it can help five people! i hope i can help sick little babies, bc every baby should be born perfect and happy. we have our last bunch of church stuff from vsingers on sunday, and im kind of sad, bc i really LOVE it. its going to be sad next year, when i’m wherever i’m gona be, and not making old people cry, or getting kisses on the cheek bc i “sing like an angel” hopefully, the musical will be bye bye, birdie, bc that would be absolutely positivitely PERFECTO. a great way to end my senior year. im really not thinking enough about college, but i am dancing a lot, and spending a lot of money, and buying my dog a lot of christmas presents. so whatever. thats all i need to do.

i hope everyone is doing great. and please see me over break. thanks. :0)

okay. so im a LITTLE stressed out. i skip first period like, three times a week because i never feel like going. my grandmom is worrying me to no end. and i have NO money to afford christmas presents. but, on the bright side, i was accepted to all three colleges that i applied to, and i just got my final admissions email from temple a few minutes ago! i’m a little unsure of what i want to do right now. i have yet to really make a solid decision. geez. also, i officially PWNED the e coli at tacobell w/ dcun06, court, & caleb. duh. i was real sad last night, but i feel better now. i just feel a little, alone sometimes, even though i have so many people. and alaina really needed me bc of her dbag EXboyfriend. i love her. but i’m alright, which i always am, even if the only thing i have to thank for it is my diary. and the new copeland cd. i’m pretty sure i love it. i get to see alaina, jenna, jeanette, ange, and all the people i LOVE this weekend, and im ready. i hope everything is going well for everyone, and that everyone is making good decisions.

take care.

“do you need a ride to the hospital, for that THIRD DEGREE BURN?” “did you just eat that whole sandwich?” “GAY-O-WULF.” “let me poke you in the butt, i’ll show you whats up.” “puhhhhh…….uhhhhhhhhh……OWNED.” “tryin to catch me ridin dirty, coppers?” “do you have that in xxl? (tank?)” “what are you listening to again. ‘space jam. the remix w/ method man, pussy.'” “MADE MY NIGHT” “i know you did NOT just THROW that spool of FUCKING THREAD at me” “defense doesn’t get touch downs, assface.” “dont call me bra anymore, i’m not a guy. call me bra-lina.” “that guy with the ice cream cone just licked his lips at me” “alaina you hair looks really good dirty and teased and WHEN IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT” “cover you boobs up. i think they’re looking at me. creep.” “what do you think of interracial couples? once you go white, you’ll think “DAMN. THIS SHIT IS TIGHT!” “‘what do you think of these shirts?’ ‘they look terrible’ ‘EW SICK.'” “you ain’t got shit on me, because i’m from another country” “so fresh and so clean = so suspended and so screwed.” “you know you’re fat when youre at bk on thanksgiving. pass me the hashbrowns.” “‘i really can’t afford this.’ ‘you can’t afford anything. those underwear are real cute though.'” “BALLLLLLINNNNN. i’m buying that cd.” “did he just say the cu- word? this is officially my favorite movie.”

idk what i’d do without chip and dip friday nights, mall trips on flat tires, and friends who aren’t too gay to be my bests. loveu. :0)

“all of a sudden, i miss everyone.”

i had a very good week. which i’m happy about.

weeks are going by REAL fast lately. and i’m pretty much completely finished my graduation project so i can present and NOT HAVE TO WORRY anymore. which is good. bc im really irresponsible and kids like me hate grad projects. i learned how to waveboard in gym class, pwned it, w/ the hairnet and all. i have the districts audition this saturday, so im kind of anxious about it. not too much though. its all good. last night, at the mstar show, alaina and i were basically THE MOST SCENE KIDS EVER. completely w/ leggings, rainboots, too much eye makeup, and bad attitudes. and it was too much fun. we danced like professionals in the “mstar mosh” and i got a sunrise slurpee and got real drunk off of it. we had a sleepover party after and she made the bed w/ me in it and i loved it. i had to work this morning, but all i do is work. kind of? okay. so maybe i lied. i hardly work ever. but that doesn’t make me like it. bc i dont. :0) me = lazy. it was beautiful out today, so i took my dog to nockamixon and we played for a while, and then i went shopping w/ my mom. it is so nice to be able to be w/ her and talk to her w/ just us. i’m so lucky to have my parents even if they do drive me crazy. i still love their little faces. i got lots of sweaters and i love them and i’m ready for the fall now. and im really ready for thanksgiving. just call me tank (XXL) but. im going to bed right now, bc im extremely exhausted. but i hope everyone is having a spectacular night. see me soon. and kiss me now! goodnight!

“i dont buy that. i dont care how old someone is. love is love. and if you feel it, then dont ignore it. and if you dont, then don’t hold yourself back. just be happy. if all you have to worry about is not being able to afford shoes and paying car insurance and english tests, then just recognize that your life is perfect. and your perfect in your life. and being happy with that will change people. and astonish people. you’re just that kind of girl.”

i love him.

i hate emo girls. idk WHO wrote that last entry. anyway!

friday i retook the pssas. bc i am STUPID. and i think i failed again because i didnt know what
any of the questions meant. EVEN THE SECOND TIME. haha. but me and my fellow PWN3R
will probably have to sit in remediation instead of being a normal senior and getting priv. but
whatev. pwners gotta stay together ❤ after school, i had district rehearsal and moo moo moo,
and then at night i went to qcitys football game. obviously the place to BE on friday nights. i went
w/ a lot of boys who love football and they explained everything to me. and made me laugh a lot.
but my feet froze off and apparently no boys can afford heat in their cars? then i got pancakes and
hot chocolate and laughed a lot at p&f. it was a great night, even if i didnt have a car bc im a BAD
SEED. then. i worked sat. and some ppl took naked pictures/pics of a guy spankin his monkey/old lady in
a thong and i puked A LOT. and laughed even more. bc i guess its healthy doing that when youre old?
i guess? hahahaha. then after that, i hung out w/ dan the man, and we went to the mall and i ate taco
bell faster than him and then saw borat. and i laughed a lot. especially at the chicken. SUCKER.

i worked today and tonight i’m doing absolutely nothing bc im extremely exhausted.
and bc i bought a book yesterday and im real excited to read it. :0) me = real smart/perfect.

kcya!

and I am a writer, writer of fictions,
I am the heart that you call home;
and I’ve written pages upon pages
trying to rid you from my bones.
I am a writer, I am all that you have hoped on,
and  I’ve written pages upon pages
trying to rid you from my bones
and if you don’t love me, let me go.

idk why i even write in this thing anymore.

things arent good right now. at all. and usually. i’m real positive.
i try to be happy all the time, and always smile in front of everyone. because i know i hate when people just bring me down. so i dont want to do that to anyone. but, really. they arent good right now. i’m really worried about my health. its really failing. everything seems to be wrong right now and i’m just worried about what going to happen to me in the futurebc of the stupid decisions i made in the past few years. and i try not to think about it a lot but i truly am really scared. and for some reason, my heart is seriously like, broken lately. and i dont even know why. i just have trust issues a lot. obviously. and i just feel really lonely all the time. even though i’m w/ people all the time. idk. i can be having so much fun, but its only fleeting it feels like, bc as soon as i start driving home, i just get hit w/ this intense feeling of loneliness. like something is missing. and i wish that i didnt think that i’m too pathetic to be okay w/o a boyfriend. bc that embarasses me so much. but thats really what its looking like. my friends are perfect. but every single one of my best friends is also in a relationship. and i can’t help but just be wondering whats w/ me. bc i know i’m not that bad. i feel like i deserve something too? but idk. i know things could be so much worse. and i understand that i’m being dramatic. and i dont know. it just doesn’t matter anymore. bc i know something is wrong. i’m not usually like this. i dont sit around. and mope. and cry. i’m always the one who tells everyone else to stop doing that bc life is so short and wonderful and everything.

i just regret so much right now, that it is honestly unbearable.

now we’re here, with the lights turned low
you won’t regret anything we do
it’s up to you, now make your move

district choir? im just as shocked as you are.
i’m glad its getting prettier out. and that its bright when i wake up.
and that thanksgiving is soon, so i can have pecan pie.
and i’m glad that i’m seeing the decemberists on wed. w/ a HOTTIE.
and that i never have homework. and that people think im pretty.
best dressed? t-shirts under tanktops? we run this. obviously!
so. this weekend, im definitely a) going to the drive-in movie theaters
b) going ice skating and c) learning how to skateboard ( mongo crew )
hopefully w/ a few photoshoots and kissing in the middle.

i CANNOT stop listening to this cd.