even though everyone tends to bash xanga, i am really attatched to this site. i don’t know if i can even place why, but it’s so astonishing to be able to hold memories so clearly from so many different points in my life. so even though it’s old news to so many people, i cannot think of putting this site to rest.

and for that reason, let me begin another post.

so, christmas season is officially here! thanksgiving came i went, i spent time with family which made me happy, and i’m starting to get most of my christmas shopping done before the day before christmas, which is real responsible of me, despite my track record of being SO WAY underprepared for gift giving. i’m alright on money, definitely feeling the pressure a little bit more than usual, but it’s only because i want the people i love to have a good christmas. that, and car insurance, and having to start paying for florida things before we leave the second week of january. SO EXCITED.

anyway, things with dan are really good. obviously. i’m getting really comfortable with commitment which is making me SO relieved. every so often i have relapses, and kind of question if i’m making the right choice by “tying myself down” but at the end of the day, dan makes me happy so i can be sure that i’m in this for the right reasons, and will continue it until it feels otherwise. i really wish i could really cut andrew OUT, but it’s so hard. i don’t want him, but…it’s so hard to just let go and i wish that weren’t the case. i miss chopper a lot lately too, just because this time last year, it was him i spent thanksgiving with. him i spent christmas with. so it kind of makes me nostalgic back to our relationship. …but this might be a little of the fact that i’m getting my period tomorrow talking, too. so, don’t let me sap you out TOO much.

and i really feel like a downer for even kind of writing this, but as i get older, i think i realize how important my grandma is to me and how much it’s going to hurt when i lose her. she’s getting really old, so i’m kind of coming to the unsettling realization that she’s not going to be here forever, especially turning 89 last week. she’s just such a beautiful person, let alone a spectacular grandmother, and it just hurts me so much that one day, she’s not going to be here and i’m just going to have to deal. the sun will rise, the sun will set. and she will be gone. i’m just trying my best to let her know how important she is to me, and that i would really do anything for her. i never want to have any regrets when anything is said and done. i want to make her life as wonderful as she deserves. and i just love her so much, and it’s going to be such a loss when the world doesn’t have joan conroy anymore.

i really like wearing christmas sweaters and moccasins and i really don’t like that finals are in two weeks. i’m starting to prepare for putting in college applications which STRESSES me out but i’m really excited at the thought of continuing my education and getting one step closer to graduating! ay! life goes by so quickly, it’s hard to even keep track of. but life is really great right now, i have my ups and my downs, but i’m really thankful for all of them.

i hope you’re doing great.