um, things are rough right now.

it’s kind of winding down to the end of the summer, so i’m signed up for courses and all. dan came home to visit, and it turns out that he’s actually moving home. we got in a HUGE fight, and i’m really not sure if it’s in either of our best interests to remain in contact. i’m absolutely MISERABLE as a result of it, because dan is my best friend and it’s terrible. but i don’t even know what else to do. he’s pretty upset, as am i, and i said things that i’m not really proud of. but i guess we all do that at some point. i’m just kind of waiting for things to settle. if they ever do?

today was choppers birthday. i like him, but the thought of starting a relationship right now is so unappealing to me. andrew has a new girlfriend, and i guess at the time, i was a bit bothered, but i’m handling it so much better than i ever could have foreseen. that’s for sure. so at least one page in my life is written the way i would like it to be. i’m just glad i have courtney, because sometimes i feel like that’s one of the only stable things i actually have. i don’t try to push people away or make problems, but at the same time, if things don’t work, i guess they don’t work.

speaking of work, food service is awful right now! people are obviously at kind of hurting financially, and it shows through tips. so i’m kind of ugh right now. nothing huge, it’s not like i’m going to live out of a box in 2 weeks, but you know, things could be better. i’m just real ready to start school because i’m completely aware of the fact that i need something to take my mind off of unimportant things. keeping my gpa up is SO important this semester, because i have to apply to west chester close to thanksgiving. which i’m still pretty nervous about. i think that’s always one of my major stressors. but honestly, at this point, the most important thing to me is just getting my education and just succeeding in life. especially because i have so much commitment phobia, i think i need to make sure i’d be able to support myself, if the case occurs where i don’t find a “someone else.”

but my health is so much better, which i’m so grateful for. being sick was so hard on me, and really, i thought i was never going to get better. i hate being upset and worried, so i’m hoping that in the next few days, things clear up a nice amount because this is not the way that i want to live my life. that’s for sure. i’m not this kind of girl. i just really wish i had more to keep me occupied and i really don’t. so it’s kind of something that i need to deal with. it’s 10pm. and i’m kind of debating going to sleep because i’m pretty sure if i stay up, something bad will just happen. my nights have been pretty rough lately.

but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
i’m not one for cliches, but if i don’t believe it, i’ll panic.