time for a gay entry.

in 3 months, i will be graduating. which is honestly one of the HARDEST things to believe. being that i’m always the youngest, i feel like, its hard to believe that im not going to be in highschool next year. and its even CRAZIER that in like, 5 months, i will be living in orange county, california. and my life will be completely different. i wont really be connected with my family AT ALL, which is a little hard to take. but i know it will definitely be good for me. and i’ll be leaving a lot of friendships and stuff, things that i’ve been building for the past 10 or so years of my life. and i’ll also be walking away from a two and half year long relationship. and won’t even be able to see my boyfriend on our three year anniversary. but im not going to lie, i am honestly doing something with my life that i have wanted to do ALL along. ever since i was a little girl, i always wanted to go back to the west coast and live for myself. i guess when you’re little, you just dont know how much you invest in your home town. even if its called quakertown. and everyone in it is pregnant or drugdealers.

but i’m not gona lie, i have had the time of my LIFE in this place. i grew up in close vicinity with ppl that honestly made my youth SO memorable. we played manhunt, sledded on trash can lids, went in open lots and probably got 100 ticks a SECOND, played in the snow when we were like 16, made lemonade stands, ripped our legs open, carved our name in swingsets, and always got nervous when we were at the park, because of all of those urban legends about the old lady who lived behind it who killed people. and even though honestly hardly ANY of us talk anymore, you really can’t take that stuff away. even if we end up on opposite sides of this world, some are successful, some aren’t, looking at the overgrown plant filled playground and hearing that STUPID icecream man song will always bring us back to eachother.

then there was my like, 2 years of richland. aka going out w/ everyone in my fifth grade class. and going out w/ john infante for WAY too long. we made volcanoes with baking soda, and really gay christmas ornaments for our family’s tree, which are ALL still on my tree around christmas. even though i want to like, throw them away. i was such a brat in elementary school, and as funny as it is, my group was DEFINITELY the mean girls. the girls who wore all the right clothes, knew all the right people, and made fun of EVERYONE who didnt fit in. and it really shocks me now, because it just really shows how much you can change throughout school. and fortunately, in fifth grade, i met the teacher that REALLY inspired me to teach, or at least one of them, mr. wolfinger, who still emails me to this day, and tells me how great i am. i know, i know, i know.

then there was like the 3 best and WORST years of my life. milford. 6th grade sucked, bc i had best friends who actually ended up drinking in 6th. freaking. grade. which is SO WEIRD. but i also met a lot of the friends that i am still friends with. who saw me change SO MUCH throughout the years. whoa! and i met another teacher, mrs. boerner, who is the SHIT. and was basically my ed intern teacher this year bc my actual one sucked. she is so adventurous, and makes me want to pursue being a history teacher, which is really my first love, and go all around the world and join the peace corps and do everything i want to bc thats what life is. doing things. even if you can’t afford them at the time. and heaven knows i can’t afford anything. 7th grade kind of didnt count. bc thats kind of like the middle year. and all i remember is having mr. wallace and how fat he was. im a brat. but 8th grade. HOLY CRAP. still a year that no year could ever compete with. aka meeting corkie and steph. and wearing my bathing suit over my clothes for crazy days. and being proposed to. puke. and 8th grade formal. and bugsy malone. and DAMN. such a good year all around. it was just one of those years that you didnt really appriciate enough until it was gone. i look back on it, and wish i could do it ALL again. scary movies and man hunt. and singing new found glory and annoying everyone. and hershey w/ mackenzie even though we all couldn’t STAND HER. and it was just too much. and that was the first year that i became all emo. yum. and we had mrs. bassett, who was also one of those teachers that made me realize how much i love history. and how much i want to teach it. she still comes to all of our choir concerts and tells me and natalie mulhall how successful we are going to be. and how beautiful we are. and always is so supportive. even though we haven’t been in her class for 4 years.

then HIGH SCHOOL. ohhhh geez. 9th grade was pretty much brutally KILLED by evan posch. but its okay. because i would NEVER take back that experience bc it made me realize how much you really have to not depend on boys. bc they’re never there when you need them. bc most of the time, they’re just trying to get ass. COOL. but my grades were stellar. i think i had a 4.0. not even lying. SO MUCH FOR THAT. summer before tenth grade, i met andrew orloski. which honestly, is one of those HUGE highlights. :0) so the whole year wasn’t THAT bad. 10th grade was a lot of friend stuff, and i guess it made me have to make new friends pretty fast. which is completely fine. bc it forced me to meet a lot of ppl who would stay with me all through highschool. and who would dance to fergalicious w/ me. and listen to me cry over gay ppl. puke. i went to senior prom, danced too much. really. and had a lot of fun w/ andrew. bc it was our first year. DUH. love birds. 11th grade, the shit. basically. even though i got in a lot of trouble w/ my parents like, EVERY DAY, really, that was the year that i got my license, and that i honestly think that i stopped caring about drama. and about girls who will never like you. no matter how hard you try. and that year, with andrews leaving, it was hard, but really made me realize how awesome just being with plain old friends can be. i got used by melissa, which kind of stunk, but fotunately, that was the way i met jon, josh, and justin. so i just stole them from her. bc im a brat. i had an AMAZING time at prom. even though all we did was watch the lion king after. and i had a LOT of fun w/ kris, merissia, and alaina. aka my staples. and i even had fun w/ troy, dan, and phil. you know, before troy became a manipulative brat. i patched things up with corkie, which meant a lot to me, and kind of just stopped caring, which led to complete peace in my life. and its crazy how that happens. you just loosen your hold, and things get that much easier. and last summer, kids was the best it was ever since it began. probably bc perv boys left, im guessing. but for once, we all pretty much really got along, which was nice. even though i hate the kids program SO MUCH sometimes. aka most of the time. haha. and senior year? definitely my best year. i feel so lucky, because i’m really fortunate to have TONS of groups that i feel SO comfortable with. i can be with ppl and have more fun that i feel like anyone could. senior trip was the SHIT. i have never gotten so drunk w/o any alcohol, or gotten front on so many rides. i realized i was really good at yodeling. and slept even though there was a ghost in our room. i threw surprise parties for 2 of my best friends, even though krissy kind of knew. i got really close with devin and courtney. aka HUGE parts of my life. now and forever. i went to poker nights with josh jon and justin. even though justins kind of gay, and josh is a girl. jon is and will be continuously one of my best friends. kris merissia and alaina are and will always be some of the most comfortable ppl in my life. for once in my life, i have a friendship of substance. where we can play, and be serious, and accept eachother. and i really never had that before. and i feel so grateful for that. even though we all have boyfriends, i know that if i ever needed any one of them, they would be right there w/ open arms for me. and duh. my older friends. aka my role models. exactly who i want to be when i’m their age. they’ve accepted me since i was 14 years old, and always let me tag along with them, even when i was young and gay. they carted me around, and listened to me complain, and have all cared about me no matter WHAT. they have been so stationary for the past few years. i love them. and andrew? hello. i love him. no one in this world really understands. but i dont think WE even understand. but all i know is that no one can make me laugh harder. and there is no one in the world who i can NEVER have a comeback for. haha, really. he was a LOT of my firsts, including my first love. and even though everyone in the world thinks we fight too much, that we’re not compatible, that both of us could do better, FORGET THAT. we have been through hell and high water, fights galore bc we’re both bullheaded, and dramadramadrama, i love andrew more than anything. i appreciate more than ANYTHING just going to mcdonalds with him and laughing at how UGLY he looks when he smiles real big (clown), and yelling at him bc he buys ‘roids, and almost getting in car accidents for him. and it feels so nice to just have such a sense of security. who in the world would buy their girlfriend full cakes for valentines day? no one. we’ve had close calls, you’re right, i’m not going to lie. things have gotten really hard, its gotten to the point where we both just became a little restless, but the sparks are NOT gone. we never have “ordinary” times together. we’re never bored. its just as exciting as it was 2 and a half years ago. and we’re so lucky for that. i want to be with him forever. in the same town, 2 hours away, or 6 hours away. and everyone thinks we’re CRAZY, and that we won’t make it. but we’ve surprised everyone thus far, so lets just show off a LITTLE more. u know, just be THAT perfect. heaven knows we’re capable of it. PWNED.

as emo as i can be sometimes, and how hard things can sometimes be, i can’t believe how much i have in my life.
thanks for that. bc most likely, if youre reading this, you were in this. duh.